Lost Smiles and Long Absences

Last night I published my first post since the 22nd of July 2015.  That’s a long time between posts for a site that I wanted to update regularly. I’m not delusional, I know there’s a very real possibility that nobody will ever read this, but I feel I should at least address my lengthy absence.

So what have I been doing for the last fifteen months?

When I haven’t been out gallivanting with my long-suffering better half, I’ve mostly been doing nothing.

Nothing at all.

I would come home from my shitty job, park my arse in front of the computer and play video games until I fell asleep.  Every once in a while  I would binge-watch a TV series on Netflix or read a book.  During that period, there were a few months where the last thing I wanted to do was watch a film, let alone write about it afterwards.

Had I lost my passion for movies?

To me that was a scary question.  After all, films have been my main source of entertainment for as long as I can remember.  I could always find a DVD to stick on no matter what mood I was in. To suddenly lose interest in something that used to be so important to me was heartbreaking.

It wasn’t until I realised that my answer wasn’t a straight “yes” that I started to feel better about it.

I realised that my love of a good story was still there, whether it be from a film, a game, a book or anywhere.  Shit, even someone telling me a story face-to-face held my interest.

It was the pressure I was putting on myself to write about them afterwards that was dampening my enthusiasm for films.

When I started this blog I wanted to publish posts as often as I could.  Daily if possible, but no less than three posts a week.  For the first couple of months I was fine with that.  I enjoyed the process of watching a different film each day and sharing my opinion about it online.  But after a while I found it more and more difficult to find the words.  Eventually I found that it was diminishing my enjoyment of movies.

It just wasn’t fun to me anymore.  It had become a slog.  A constant grind to put out content that I wasn’t happy with on a regular basis.  So in the end I just stopped.

As I mentioned earlier, the first few months were film-free.  As the months went by I’d gradually start watching the odd movie every now and then.   I was slowly, but surely, re-discovering my love of the medium, and it was all because the pressure that I was putting on myself to write about everything I watched was gone.

Sometimes I just don’t have the words.  I could watch a film multiple times and not have a single word to say about it, which is a serious problem if you’re trying to review the damn thing.  But then I reminded myself that I’m not a film critic.  I’m not a journalist.  I wouldn’t even consider myself a blogger, despite having webspace on WordPress.  I’m just some twat who likes to write shit on the internet.

Once I started to enjoy watching movies again, I began to get the itch to write.  It was only after watching Hush at the weekend that I felt I had something to say and, more importantly, I wanted to say it.

It’s funny how a film called Hush helped me break my silence.

So from now on I’m not going to force myself to write about everything that I watch.  If I have a strong enough opinion about something and the words come easily to me, then I’ll put up a post about it. If not then I’ll just leave it be.

If that means that I’ll only do one post a month, then so be it.  At least then I’ll be doing it because I want to and not because I feel that I have to.

Thanks for your time.  I’m sorry I took up so much of it!


7 thoughts on “Lost Smiles and Long Absences

  1. Wow, I so understand and relate to this post. I had exactly the same thing happen to me and I imagine others are going through the same thing on occasion. I was also very much into blogging every day at first and that lasted a year at most. I lost my ability to enjoy a movie as I felt I had to scribble down a few words every time after. I felt too obligated and that killed it for me. It’s good you started writing again. You do it very well! What helps me (other than the fact I’m writing on my work time) I decided to write about stuff that I find interesting, be it a movie, a meal, a concert, a tv show episode, whatever. It’s your blog. Do what the heck you want with it. That’s the real fun. Keep it up and sorry for my lengthy comment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t apologise! I’m glad you commented. 😊

      It’s good to know that what I felt wasn’t unique to me. I’m definitely enjoying the process more now that I’ve stopped putting pressure on myself.

      You’re completely right, writing about something that is interesting to me has helped me a great deal. That’s why I’ve extended this blog to include things outside of film. Like you said, it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want with it!

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my post. I really do appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That was very sincere. Thanks for sharing. I guess similar things happen to many of us… I just try to prepare as many posts as I can and schedule them, so when I’m not in the mood I don’t have to do anything. The job often drains all the mana of you…
    Which is your field if I may ask?

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s how I go about creating content for this site now, I’ll write in bulk when I’m in the mood for it but I’ll split it up into weekly posts.

      Up until recently I had worked solely in the customer service side of retail, which is a pretty soul-destroying field if I’m honest. I still work through the day in retail but I’ve just started a new job that involves driving a fork lift truck most evenings.

      Liked by 1 person

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