Last night I published my first post since the 22nd of July 2015. That’s a long time between posts for a site that I wanted to update regularly. I’m not delusional, I know there’s a very real possibility that nobody will ever read this, but I feel I should at least address my lengthy absence.
So what have I been doing for the last fifteen months?
When I haven’t been out gallivanting with my long-suffering better half, I’ve mostly been doing nothing.
Nothing at all.
I would come home from my shitty job, park my arse in front of the computer and play video games until I fell asleep. Every once in a while I would binge-watch a TV series on Netflix or read a book. During that period, there were a few months where the last thing I wanted to do was watch a film, let alone write about it afterwards.
Had I lost my passion for movies?
To me that was a scary question. After all, films have been my main source of entertainment for as long as I can remember. I could always find a DVD to stick on no matter what mood I was in. To suddenly lose interest in something that used to be so important to me was heartbreaking.
It wasn’t until I realised that my answer wasn’t a straight “yes” that I started to feel better about it.
I realised that my love of a good story was still there, whether it be from a film, a game, a book or anywhere. Shit, even someone telling me a story face-to-face held my interest.
It was the pressure I was putting on myself to write about them afterwards that was dampening my enthusiasm for films.
When I started this blog I wanted to publish posts as often as I could. Daily if possible, but no less than three posts a week. For the first couple of months I was fine with that. I enjoyed the process of watching a different film each day and sharing my opinion about it online. But after a while I found it more and more difficult to find the words. Eventually I found that it was diminishing my enjoyment of movies.
It just wasn’t fun to me anymore. It had become a slog. A constant grind to put out content that I wasn’t happy with on a regular basis. So in the end I just stopped.
As I mentioned earlier, the first few months were film-free. As the months went by I’d gradually start watching the odd movie every now and then. I was slowly, but surely, re-discovering my love of the medium, and it was all because the pressure that I was putting on myself to write about everything I watched was gone.
Sometimes I just don’t have the words. I could watch a film multiple times and not have a single word to say about it, which is a serious problem if you’re trying to review the damn thing. But then I reminded myself that I’m not a film critic. I’m not a journalist. I wouldn’t even consider myself a blogger, despite having webspace on WordPress. I’m just some twat who likes to write shit on the internet.
Once I started to enjoy watching movies again, I began to get the itch to write. It was only after watching Hush at the weekend that I felt I had something to say and, more importantly, I wanted to say it.
It’s funny how a film called Hush helped me break my silence.
So from now on I’m not going to force myself to write about everything that I watch. If I have a strong enough opinion about something and the words come easily to me, then I’ll put up a post about it. If not then I’ll just leave it be.
If that means that I’ll only do one post a month, then so be it. At least then I’ll be doing it because I want to and not because I feel that I have to.
Thanks for your time. I’m sorry I took up so much of it!