Your Console Is Lying To You!

As part of my ongoing struggle with my video game backlog, I started playing The Division a few weeks ago with an old mate of mine.  Since then we’ve been logging in at least once a week to retake Manhattan one block at a time, gradually restoring some kind of order to the plague-ridden place.  So far it’s been a lot of fun.

That was until last night.

The night started well.  I had sat down with a fresh cup of tea and half a packet of Hobnobs, ready for at least a couple of hours of uninterrupted gameplay.  I booted up the  Xbox One, clicked on The Division and…

“This game requires an update.”

Shit.  I completely forgot about the Last Stand expansion that came out the other day, which meant I also forgot about the sizeable update to go with it.   There wasn’t much I could do but sit and wait for the update to install.

After about ten minutes of staring gormlessly out of the window, I decided to play something else while I was waiting.  I was just about to load up GTA V when a notification popped up:

“The Division is Ready to Start.”

Obviously I clicked on it.  Well, it did say that it was ready.

After a few minutes of waiting for the game to load I got this:


There I was, under the impression that the game was indeed ready to play when it was clearly anything but. I mean, it did say that it was ready.  Surely it wouldn’t lie to me… Would it?

Maybe it just needed a few more minutes, I thought.  Maybe it was almost ready.  Yeah that must have been it. So I left it to install while I went off to do something else.

Half an hour later I came back, fully expecting the game to be at least ready to start. You know, like it said it was over thirty minutes ago.

This is what I got:


Correct me if I’m wrong but if a game is declared “Ready to Start”, shouldn’t that  mean that I can at least play some of the bloody thing?  Was I wrong to expect some playable content?

Apparently so.  It would appear that watching a progress bar slowly creep across my screen constitutes as playable content.

Now I don’t know about you but this shit really pisses me off.  If a game isn’t ready to play, then don’t tell me that it is.  Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining.

Forgetting to install the update ahead of time was completely my fault.  I would have been more than happy to play something else while I waited.  But no, it just couldn’t bear the thought of me spending time with another game.  So much so that it tried to coax me back with a false promise and, because I’m a gullible idiot, I fell for it.

Two hours after being told that The Division was ready to play, I was sat glaring at this:


Ready to play? The lying little shit.

In all fairness, this is more a criticism of the console than any one game.  It’s all because of the “Play Now Promise”, a blatant lie that was gleefully bandied about as a selling point for the current generation of consoles.  The idea behind it was to allow us to play a portion of a game while it was installing.  Clearly that was bullshit.

The most annoying thing about it is that I’m stupid enough to keep falling for it.

When will I ever learn?

Anyway, that’s my rant over.  I’m off to play Star Wars Battlefront now.  I only started installing it a little while ago, but I’ve just been told that it’s ready to pl…

Oh shit.



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