That time a Lego game was cancelled because people couldn’t stop making dicks in it

Minecraft is perhaps the closest thing to videogaming Lego that we have, and its overwhelming success proves that there is a market for that type of game.  Lego Universe was intended to be the game to finally scratch that itch, but it was cancelled due to players filling the game world with their custom penises.

Never underestimate man’s propensity to draw cocks.  If given sufficient time and resources, a meaty, veiny penis, usually with great pendulous balls will inevitably emerge.  Whether that be with pen and paper, a videogame with a creation suite or even non-penis shaped Lego bricks.

Lego Universe encountered this problem and was unable to combat man’s deeply ingrained need to create willies.  It was to be a massive multiplayer online game that allowed players to create anything they could imagine. 

The Lego community is rife with creative people that have built some truly impressive things. Recreations of fictional cities, beautiful dioramas and even iconic scenes from movies have been lovingly crafted with Lego bricks.  Imagine an entire virtual world full to the brim of these incredible creations, that’s what Lego Universe was going to offer. 

If only they could have stopped people from stuffing their dicks into it. 

The developers even implemented what they called “Dong Detection Software”.  This was designed to seek out any user creation that was suspiciously tallywhacker-shaped so that it could be quickly erased, keeping the game family-friendly.  Unfortunately, man’s insatiable desire to stuff their dicks into things, regardless of the obstacles, was too strong and could not be overcome.

The Lego Universe servers shut down on January 30th 2012, a mere two years after they had opened. With penises showing up in the game shortly after the servers opened, Lego Universe was literally fucked from the start.

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